So this is generally what i look like at the moment... all the time.
I'm very behind on my dissertation writing(so i probably shouldn't really be writing this either, but procrastinating from writing with writing has got to be a helpful form of procrastination right?) and it is my fault for not being on top of it all, keeping(getting) organised and regularly seeing my tutors for meetings and help/advice.But tbh i'm quite scared of them. lol.
I'm pretty much fed up of university, and have been for such a long time now that it's surprising im still here. The only thing im gonna miss is the friends and location... oh how i will miss my friends.. :(
But the thing is University is definately not how i imagined it to be. Maybe i needed to be in America/a movie/a disney film for university to be how i imagined it...
In all honesty this is what i imagined uni to include:
- Learn how to write well - I've never been able to produce a good piece of work (unless it was creative writing haha) and i thought i would really get into being taught here at uni, but its about putting effort in, to go see the tutors etc. I need to work on that DAMN HARD. otherwise my dissertation will just,well, die.haha.
- Have lots of lectures that everyone says 'oh borrre' to (but i secretly love, i feel like im finding out things in a different way to how i've ever been taught before) They started off being very general in first year, but i still enjoyed them, but they slowly died down.. to now, none.
- Talented teachers who make you excited about getting into this career once university is all over..and learning about things that you couldn't've found out anywhere else! well, without harrrd research and searching,but who wants to do that? lol
Hmm.. nope.my tutors at times have inspired me, but i really don't think im getting as much out of them as they are being paid for. Yes partly (probably majorly) my fault. But still.. :-/
- Regular 'study sessions' where a huge group of us would get together either in the library or lay out in the park(or meet at each others houses when it was cold/dark) and work together on recent projects, helping each other keep on top of the workload and uplifting each others spirits and taking breaks for hot chocolate and marshmallows. (Don't get me wrong i have lovely friends, but most communication is through facebook/txts because of the sheer workload and other commitments, dunno what id do without their help a lot of the time tbh,because of this course)
- To find out and learn about other peoples thoughts and views on life and the world around us. To hear about peoples life experiences.. and go on adventures together to 'get away from uni for a while' and go venture into nearby villages/towns and find out local open mic nights/comedy nights.. (of which i havn't managed to find yet..not that ive really made it a huge priority..because,u guessed it!,my work load.)
- Actually get INVOLVED with the university-become a member of many societies and do volunteer work and set up organisations to raise money for charities and to make a difference in the university, (and possibly the world!!) I tried to join a few societies at the beginning but due to my very poorliness at the beginning few months of first year and then my gradual workload increase, i could not keep at it and am no longer part of anything.
- Having sleepovers and sharing food/making meals and cakes together and making cleaning/tidying rotas for the kitchen, living with friends etc, decorating my room all pretty! (since moving out of student accomodation i have had a tiny room,barely been able to work very well in and had mould and damp in for the majority of my time here.. but that settled down a little. I am used to it now, it just sucks that i pay the same amount for it as my housemates who all (except one..) have rooms two or three times the size of mine.grr :p
I just thought that all these interesting and exciting things could happen and that i would learn so many interesting things from university! There has been so much dissappointment.I mean i love my friends and met my faabulous boyfriend here and when i see them it is great! but you can tell that so many of us are just so worn-down from work, its so sad to see. I never thought of 'University' or 'Students' to be a negative thing, and always thought that the stereotypes of messy and irresponsible and drunken students was just a complete exaggeration. But there are some insanely disgusting people walking around. Maybe it's because i've never lived in a city before (granted Lincoln isn't a huge city,but its way bigger than anywhere i've lived before!) so i don't know what people act like in the city. But man, some people are scandalous! (okay im aware i probably sound a right snob/prude but i don't care lol) :p
In first year i thought "yes,nobody knows what i really act like,what upsets/scares me etc,this is my chance to try to shine and make people proud! be whoever i want" (not in a scary different way nooo!! but to tweak and change little things about me to make me more confident or hardworking etc.) I wanted to show myself being far more confident and organised than i was,and not so 'random' and 'strange' and 'disorganised' as my friends from home would say about me lol (in a nice way though) But that definately didn't last long. especially for being so poorly and on antibiotics and stuck in my room doing work the majority of the time.tiredness brings out the silly side of everyone sometimes lol.
The people i lived with in first year are SPECTACULAR though and i wouldn't change them for the WORLD. they all live together now and i go visit them whenever i get a spare chance - Because their house number is '91' me and my boyfriend nicknamed them '91' as a collective group.And it kind of stuck :)
University has had its ups aswell, its just a shame it couldn't've been more about 'teaching' and 'learning amazing things' and for me to get more involved in university activities.. :(
The Loans arn't bad though :p
hehe... im kiddiiing
(They're great..)
But yes all i want to do now,is spend time with friends family and my cuddly boyfriend (who has graduated and lives back home now so i miss him very much..) and i want to develop 'me'. Get fit, learn some hobbies, get a regular routine going, eat well, have adventures!, Live life for and with the people i love and care about.
Phewf sorry about the rant, ill probably read through this and be like, maaan im a lame-ass.. haha.
Natalie out. xx
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